TEN THINGS NIGERIAN

Greeting Style

A new way of greeting has suddenly found its way into the Nigeria English vocabulary. Aside from the everyday greetings, we now have 'well-done.' A term used in complementing someone for something done. Curiously, the term has assumed a new meaning and nowadays it has become a trend to see people on the street and tell them well-done. A total stranger may pass by your home and instead of saluting you in respect to the time of day, will confidently tell you 'well-done' without thinking twice about the true application of the word at all.


50 Year Old Youth Leader

Unlike in other countries where youth leaders are themselves young people, this is hardly true of Nigeria where an amusing situation, but with a daring implication has developed. The older generation of politicians of recent era have changed the rules to fit their selfish agenda, and by so doing have pushed the younger crop of people further away from representative roles to install themselves without shame. Today, you find these old men masquerading as youth leaders. Sadder still, is the fact that youth leaders one finds are only the extensions of these old men and are therefore inactive on their own. They tend to hold such positions in name only and do as instructed. Don’t be shocked to read this because, this is how the cookie crumbles. Hopefully, under the leadership of President M. Buhari, this trend would be truncated. I really do hope that the much expected change in this democratic dispensation will go all the way.


Pilgrims to the Holy lands

Have you heard of the most religious government? If you have not, here is your chance for some schooling in that regard. You must know right away that Nigerian government is the body that may not have enough funds to execute infrastructures projects, but has more than enough to sponsor her citizens on pilgrimage to Mecca and Jerusalem. So for intending pilgrims, there is government funding available. Interesting news, yes? Maybe to you except that most of these pilgrims only look forward to some mixed priorities like, sight-see, come back with a gold tooth, some artefacts and with the guarantee of JP (Jerusalem Pilgrim) added to their names, and rarely to strengthen their spiritual and religious lives as it should be. Help me decide what all these, both at the government and individual levels, means.


13-year Old Bride

The most disgusting news is the report of a recently sponsored bill to the National Assembly. The bill was to allow 13-year old girls to become brides to men as old as a hundred. An exaggeration perhaps, but not out of context or anything resembling humour; A child-bride if you may. Now say how different this is to the return of the era of slaves to Nigeria. Imagine your child sharing a home with an man old enough to be her ancestor.


Traditional Fulani Marriage

There are people in Nigeria known as the Fulanis. These are headsmen who love their cattle more than they do a fellow, and according to tradition, a young man who looks to take a bride must be able to endure untold number of caning to test his mettle; endurance level regardless of whether one is a fully born and breed Fulani man or a stranger. These Fulani People hardly ever settle in one place too long because they move about according to season in search of pasture for their cattle, and in the absence of such ready pasture farm crops simply disappear. The strange thing about these people in troubled times, is they tend to move at night especially when their cattle have disappeared a poor man’s farm or found a lone challenger to kill and bury in unmarked graves somewhere in the bush. In Benue and many parts of Nigeria today, cases of Fulani attacks have almost become a shared phenomena. Why should the travels of these Fulani people precedes so much grief and despair? 


Houses without Toilets

Landlords have been prosecuted in Lagos, the busiest and crowded city where houses and people compete for space. With a steady stream of commuters in an out of traffic, especially business men and women, staying in Lagos or coming from surrounding cities. Landowners have taken it upon themselves not to cramp the city more than necessary and so many buildings go without toilets. Tenants and Landlords have had to exchange angry words in that regard many times and just as often. At the end of which many Landlords have been charged to court and most armature media reps have made their bones reporting the unusual cases. Funny huh?


I-Own-a-Car Syndrome

It has become a trend for upstarts and middle class workers in different professions to apply for loans to buy cars instead of Land and houses. A sane man finds a place to live before buying a car and not the other way round, but not these folks who measure success in terms of the latest toys on wheels in the market or the biggest houses ‘for rent’ in the most expensive parts of town. My late grandmother’s favourite saying was people live in their own houses not in their cars. It is not a crime to rent a place of accommodation ‘if’ one's near future goal is to find a permanent living space, but renting a place becomes a crime if all your stay in the city and all your hard-work can’t seem to get you your own place anywhere. 


Strangers in the same House

Working-Class couples are people who simply work hard to earn a good living, however, the trouble begin when the kids hardly ever see their mother or father. When you fail to balance your professional life and your family life by not spending enough time with your wife or husband and the kids, everything goes out the window. Issues get carried over, responsibilities are relegated, and awkward moments find the door wide open to admit them. Why should living in a civilized world suddenly turn families into enemies? Are we so hooked on good living that we forget how to live with ones that we claim to be provide for?


Traditional Medicine

One of the most significant developments is in the area of traditional medicine. Traditional treatment methods have so boomed that now have traditional specialists everywhere in Nigeria. The number of advert placements for traditional products and the number of organized trade fairs have also climbed up considerably; however, the most outrageous claims by traditional specialists are the assertion that their products can cure all ailments when administered. One product can cure not less than fifty health challenges. They insist that their claims are of course backed up by research in India and elsewhere. True, these traditional products are effective in some treatments but one product for fifty serious health challenges is a claim that allows the mind all manner of interpretations.


Trick or Treat: Igbo Girls’ and their Romantic Parameters

The Igbos (Ibos) are from Eastern Nigeria. Girls from these parts, as widely implied, believe that romance is unattainably impossible without money. It is even rumoured that their eyes can literary bore invisible holes through a pocket to count how much cash one has. Money comes first to them. So to give you a heads-up, when you come across an Igbo girl who catches your fancy make sure you are full of cash. Porn intended.